What happens to a Frog when they breakdown?
They get Toad away.
What tea do footballers drink ?
Penaltea !
What is black and white and black and white and black and white ?
A Newcastle fan rolling down a hill !
Why did a footballer take a piece of rope onto the pitch ?
He was the skipper !
Which football team loves ice-cream ?
Aston Vanilla !
What is a goal keepers favourite snack ?
Beans on post !
How do hens encourage their football teams ?
They egg them on !
Why did the chicken get sent off ?
For persistent fowl play !
Why didn’t the dog want to play football ?
It was a boxer !
Where do spiders play their FA Cup final ?
Webley stadium !
Why is it that birds are quickly sold when they come up on the transfer market ?
They tend to go cheep !
How do you stop squirrels playing football in the garden ?
Hide the ball, it drives them nuts !
Why should you be careful playing against a team of big cats ?
They might be cheetahs !
Manager: Our new midfielder cost ten million. I call him our wonder player
Fan: Why’s that ?
Manager: Everytime he plays I wonder why I bothered to buy him !
Manager: Twenty teams in the league and you lot finish bottom ?
Captain: Well, it could have been worse.
Manager: How ?
Captain: There could have been more teams in the league !
Our team is doing so badly that “Manager of the Month” isn’t an award
It’s an appointment !
Manager: I’ll give you fifty pounds a week to start with and a hundred pounds a week in a year’s time ?
Young player: OK, I’ll come back in a year’s time !
English 
Polish 